Mon. Aug 15th, 2022

I haven’t travelled by air for God knows how long due to pandemic induced lockdowns and what not. However, now that the restrictions are slowly lifting, you can bet your boarding pass that I am looking forward to taking a flight out. But as I sit here chalking out the travel plan, not everything that crosses my mind, is of the pleasant type that entice travel bugs like me from the glossies.

As a matter of fact, is even taking a flight, even a short haul one, always a pleasant experience? Not really, for there are so many things that can be extremely annoying (at least they are to me). Incredulous? Let me list a few (not in any particular order of preference though).

  • Body Odor: Yuck! Imagine getting stuck in a seat next to one who reeks? Well, lets hope that the mandatory masks that we are supposed to sport will help. Getting your seat changed is an option, unless you are in a full flight, in which case… On the other end of the spectrum are the ones who are doused with the most horrible perfumes.
  • Footballer: Ever had a person sitting behind you who constantly kicks the back of your seat? I have. Trust me it is extremely irritating.
  • Armrest Encroacher: Then there is the person who hogs the armrest, without even a thought about you or your convenience. Yes, yes, the type who shamelessly try to push your arm away, even if you occasionally rest your elbow on one tiny corner of the armrest which is for both of you to share.
  • The Wanderer: There are also the travelers who have to get up, forcing you to a huddle as they keep going to the toilet, their girth directly proportional to the weakness of their bladders requiring such frequent trips.
  • The Loudspeaker: Then there are the loudspeakers who have to call up 17 relatives on an average and announce, at the top of their voices, that they are on board and again that have safely landed. Most of them, incidentally sport very irritating religious caller tunes, also set to the maximum. They are also the ones thanking God (again at the top of their voces) for the safe journey. BTW, every case of a passenger misbehaving with the air hostesses that I have witnessed, were perpetrated by people from this category. Like dingoes, the hunt (read travel) in packs and trust me, you can hear their inane conversations from one end of the airplane to the other.
  •  The Eager Beavers: are the ones who stand up, make a nuisance of themselves by trying to retrieve their luggage stowed in the overhead bins even as the plane taxies towards its allotted slot. They push and elbow to be the first to alight, why I do not know. But they do piss people off, you know.
  • Selfie Sticks:  And they aren’t the garishly overpainted ones either. From geriatric men to middleclass poseurs in business suits and young adults everybody seems to be an influencer these days and can be real pests when they want top include you in their stories.
  • Snore me an Alarm: They snore loud enough to shatter every misconceived notion that you may have had about a peaceful and tranquil flight. And they start the moment you get airborne, not even waiting for the lights to get dimmed. Not that it would have mattered though.
  • The chatty chatty: They will want to strike a conversation the moment you occupy the seat next to you and will not stop till you are out of the airport. Perhaps they are nervous, perhaps it is sheer loneliness, who really cares.
  • The wailing babies: trust me, they are the least of my bothers. The nonchalance of their accompanying parents? Well, that is a different story.       

By chawm ganguly

a fun guy, jaywalking through life.

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